On peer pressure
To the risk of sounding melodramatic, I’m confronted for the first time in my superstar life to a situation I would rather have avoided all over. You know, it always sounds easy to be the cool, fun loving sex symbol of the grid, but it comes with the social pressure of everyone expecting you to jump in every bandwagon that passes by, no matter if I want to participate or not.
In this case, we’re talking of putting yours truly through a slave auction, for my pixelated body to be sold to anybody for a whole 24h. Well that last detail is really a bummer for me. I may seem to be online loosing my time and procrastinating, but I already have very limited online time to take care of my lovers, do my art, take care of my sims, among every other social or creative activities I attend to. I may be the only one in SL with no alts to play around with multiple viewer instance, and after all, there’s only one Codie.
Also, it may sound weird coming from me, I know. But I have very little personal interest in doing such thing.
On the pro side, seeing people fighting to bid on myself may be good for my ego as some say I may reach a very high price, and the money would go on charity, which is my only real point of interest.
On the con side, it’s 24h of precious time slipping out of my fingers, it’s something I have no thrill or appeal of doing, it seriously bruises my Domme ego, and already causes some drama because I’m not exactly excited about this type of party fun.
The thing with this type of social pressure is, I’m damned if I do, and I’m damned if I don’t. In all honesty, I would have rather totally dodged it, and just do what I do, go online, have fun, make love to my sweeties, and do constructive stuff. Why not just have party with no pressure or social obligations? Not only I already lost my weekend on it, but I may have to deal with another 24h to distribute it in chunks to whatever who “buys me”.
Popularity is a double edge sword. I’m not there to amuse you. I’m there to do my work and be happy. And I currently am not happy to be put in such situation. Know that if I finally crack under the pressure, it’s not to please myself.
So I’m confronted to a choice I don’t want to take, to the risk of sounding uncool and selfish and dodge the party and the auction all over, or swallow the load and deal with something I have no interest of doing in order to please the crowds. Both of them leaving a very bitter after taste in my mouth…
I’m doing some serious rethinking about my role in the Secondlife community, it may be time I get a few alts and pull Codie back a little, next time I may be better prepared to deal with such cases.
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I understand very well what you talk about. Time is precious, as we can’t immerse fully into SL. I don’t play around with alt’s either - there is only one “me” as well. It’s not a solution and I would not recommend it to you.
I got asked for the auction as well, and even though I’m not a SLebrity like you are, I felt peer pressure as well, especially in light of comments like ” the guys are all chickens”. I was flattered with the request, but ultimately me being auctioned would have meant I’d have hurt someone who I love very much. So I politely refused.
Someimes you need to say “no” - even when you’r Codebastard Redgrave.
Wow, sounds like either choice is about as much fun as stomping a flaming bag of dog doo. I am in no way, shape or form a SLeberity, nor will I ever be one. However, in real life I think a lot of us get presented with choices like this. Often I am presented with choices that force me to make a choice between being a good company guy or being a good family guy and those aren’t always compatible choices. Either way I choose, I have to smile, take a few Rolaids, and hope I didn’t let the other side down too much. At the end of the day my hope is that I did the right things to get my job done and be a good dad.
For what it’s worth, I do have a lot of respect for you and how you’ve been able to be so creative and yet be so open, inclusive and approachable. In the end, whatever you choose, I won’t have any less respect for you. I know that probably doesn’t (and shouldn’t) matter to your decision making process.
This is just one ordinary, average guy’s opinion.
Great post, Codie. I thought I was the only one with these thoughts this morning. Whew!
Thanks all for the comments, especially Zoe, because I really already feel like a stupid drama queen for even raising the subject. I feel relieved too. <3
I get where you come from to.
If I had the money, I’d buy you, but not insist on the time… but if you are anything like me, I could never afford you. 24H? I sold a week or so ago for L$11,000 for 4 hours. I suspect 24H of Codie to go well into the hundreds of thousands.
I don’t think though, that anyone would think less of you for backing out. We all make bad decisions on impulse. At least you have the option to correct it before the fact.
Codie I think you kind of said it best here:
“I’m not there to amuse you. I’m there to do my work and be happy.”
It’s your SL hon - do what makes YOU happy. The people that truly care about you should understand and be empathetic to the fact that your time is valuable and you can’t restrict yourself in such a fashion, as well as the fact that on a personal level, the idea of being at someone else’s beck and call is not appealing. Besides, if you are not happy with it, then you are not having fun, and then the person that bid on you won’t have fun, and then it’s all kind of pointless.
It’s possible it could turn out ok. I mean the bidding could be a huge ego stroke, and you could get bought out by someone that understands how you feel and wouldn’t have unreasonable expectations of you. It’s possible that you could really enjoy the experience. You never know!
But I say go with your feelings and do what is best for you. It’s your SL, your fantasy, your life, so do what makes you happy. Don’t compromise yourself - at the end of the day you’re all you’ve got. And if people don’t like it, that’s their problem. <333
*snugglesandlotsofothernaughtythings* ^_^
The fact that you are hesitating about the issue and are writing this post, tells enough: don’t do it. It’s *your* life, no matter how many people are part of it.
Do what you want to do.
Don’t do what you don’t.
If something falls in between, flip a coin.
(Unless you don’t want to.)
Hey Codie, hon, it’s YOUR SL and more important–YOUR time, remember? Your discomfort with the situation is quite evident, so I really doubt anyone’d look at you differently for declining. And if they do? Oh well. *shrugs*
Hm. It doesn’t really sound like something _I_ would be prepared to do, certainly, and on that basis I could hardly recommend that _you_ should. Twenty four hours is an awfully long time and to be honest this whole “charity slavery” thing is a little suspect in my eyes anyway. Please do reject it if you are inclined, and that will undoubtedly give support to others in the same situation who are experiencing social pressure.
Personally, I find it kind of distasteful to use slavery as a fundraiser. Do what’s right for you, Codie. Your true friends will support your decision.
To be honest, in place of 24h of servitude, you could auction off a photo session.
But don’t do anything you don’t feel like doing. That is basic rule number one of everyone in SL. Or should be.
As others have noticed, it seems like you want to decline this auction. It’s your decision and your life, but if you did say no, I think that would make sense. It’s not good to be pressured into doing something you really don’t want to do, regardless of how good a cause it is. Seems to me that you would feel worse if you said yes than if you said no, but only you know that.
Bisoux pour toi, ma chouette! Sorry I never see you these days, making so little SL time myself. I hope you feel at peace with whatever you decide.
Too bad I just read this and the auction has already been announced. My advice would have been, and is for the future, that you don’t do anything you don’t want to do. Follow your instincts.
It is great that you are a star, but I doubt you need the auction to boost your ego, for that you have your “sweeties” they do it unconditionally. In the real world even superstars set limits, you have the right to set limits.
Lastly, I was mistakenly thinking that you were happy to do this; I am glad you raised the issue, I don’t think you are Drama Queen.
It’s a nice blog entry Codie, and a nice blog as well! It lets other peoples know your stance on those things, it’s good. I loves Crap’s comments. Quick, elegant and meaningful.
I though you were a bit distant when you where being auctioned. God know, I did tease you a lot when you were up to auction and I though you were a bit distant because I’m male as I suspect you have a preference for females. I hopes I didn’t made it worst for you.
On the other end, I’m glad to know that you were distant because you were on the auction and not because I am a men. So I can peacefully resume my work of seduction on you to try and prove that theory that you prefer woman over man.
Put silliness in every receipt. Live is not as fun without it.
(End of my long, rough and meaningless comment *winks*)
I love my alt and her other life, but I don’t recommend it because it can get away from you and you then have even less time! I can’t imagine why this auction needs to be for 24 hours … seems like a compromise is in order.
I’m not sure there’s much to be added by adding my voice to the chorus, but… I’m with the general consensus. On a personal level, I’m squicked by the whole concept of auctioning oneself off for charity, but if the person being auctioned likes the idea, then, hey, more power to ‘em. But to pressure somebody else into putting themself on the block seems repugnant. I’d say no with a perfectly clear conscience.
Being cool, fun-loving, and sexy doesn’t require relinquishing all rights to your time and your body. Quite the contrary…
(Oops. I hadn’t thought to ask myself what time zone the time stamps were in. I’m guessing this was already a moot point. Sorry about that…)
Don’t sweat it hon.
Ignore peer pressure and do what’s right for you. If you want to support the charity (and that’s always a reasonable thing to do) then choose a way that you’re happy to give time, money and so forth. Heck, cough up some RL cash to them and call it done - it’s really low time intensity after all. Put all of Rouge on “pay to enter” for a weekend and donate all the proceeds to the charity - and tell people why. There are lots of low impact on your time ways to do this.
If you want the ego-boost and can afford it, plant an alt in the audience, wait for “going twice” and outbid the highest bidder - you get all the ego massage of the auction if you want that and you only owe yourself the time - so use it to do what you want!
Thankfully I’m not part of the in-crowd and haven’t been asked. But even if it was an charity that I really support I wouldn’t go for it. Charity auctions might be fun, for some, but if I want to support the charity I won’t do it through slavery, even temporary slavery for a good cause.
Do what you feel is right. Some people might be rude about you, but stuff ‘em. Shakespeare had a good bit of advice for this situation: “To thine own self be true” so go out there, do what you think is right, and most people will stand by your choice whatever it is. If they don’t, it’s their loss, not your fault.
To be honest Jene yes I prefer girls but I know you would have treated us well. It’s the first time i do that so I was a bit dazed and confused, it’s really weird to get on a podium to be sold. I tried to make a little dance for you but the damn thing wouldn’t let me apparently.
[...] I went up with? Well, I’m delighted happy to tell that I may now - for a short while - call Her Royal Red Highness my Mistress, and Rheta Shan, Gabby Panacek, Marx Dukek and Jessyka Richard my sisters. [...]
Also a bit dazed and confused while witnessing the auction last night. … Had I read your post in advance, I would have urged you **not** put 24 hours of your precious time and energy on the block. As for the money going to charity angle, well, if I understood the sign, 75% goes to you and Gaby, 12.5% to the event producers and 12.5% to the nonprofit. So, not so much.
A clever idea in a cause-related-marketing-sort-of-a-way, but much* easier for you to donate a photo session for auction or, even better, directly to the work and people you believe in. Which I suspect you already do.
I think I prefer other ways to raise money in SL. Take our friend Hung Runningbear, who is training for this weekend’s Century ride for AIDs services in his neck of the FL woods. He’s asked his friends to donate Lindens through him or dollars directly at http://www.firstgiving.com/erinmarteal.
More on that here: http://www.aidsrideforlife.org/
Well..you are in SL to please yourself..no one else. Getting alts is dodging the issue i feel. So if the peer pressure is the feeling that popularity with others will be compromised, then perhaps a rethink of whether u are in SL to be popular, or enjoy yourself is in order?
/me snuggles I was so happy when you got me, mainly because that might give me a few hours of your time. That being so limited since you became a super star, and out timezones too far away…
Of recent times I know that I’ve been seeing a lot more auction notecards going around. My darling Dom and I toyed with buying someone and having them used in a group setting for entertainment, but we never actually take the time or effort to attend… I know, we are so busy doing the naughty, listening to someone else do the naughty, building something or helping one of our friends with whatever it is that they need.
Our group has auctions for group members, but it’s focused mostly on group activities, no notecards to fill out, people volunteer whatever they want… whether it’s an hour of building training, a free consultation/service, four hours of a wild cam fuck fest, or just a day of whatever the buyer wants from the auctionee….
I’d not be able to give myself for a full day… firstly and most importantly, my darling Dom would absolutely forbid it. He doesn’t mind giving me up for an hour to someone for private fun, but there’s no way he’d let someone else have me for that long. Secondly, who knows who might get you, it could be some troglodyte that just makes those 24 hours incredibly painful (and I’m not talking spanks, pinches, and bites…)… but boredom.
*Goes EEEEP and runs from the boredom*
I do have alts but they pretty much just collect dust. I don’t have time to do anything with them other than store inventory items
I’m so glad I found your blog. It’s fabulous reading.
Cheers!